Saturday, October 23, 2004

Message in a bottle

Nutjob is about to outdo herself. Just when I think she can't, she does. She has been dating Loserboyfriend for about three years, and has spent most of those three years hinting and flat out saying that she wants a ring, she wants to get married, blah blah. I guess since he didn't propse to her in Hawaii, she's decided to take the bull by the horns. So to speak.

She has ordered some sort of special bottle from Hawaii, filled with sand from some special beach; the woman she ordered it from said she has to "hike six miles to the beach to get the sand". Uh huh. Fortunately for this woman's bank account, Nutjob is as gullible as she is desperate. I have no idea how much this is costing her. She spent all day Friday figuring out the wording she wants to use for her question, which she will then print out, roll up and put in the bottle. How quaint. So far, here is the last draft of her question.

"Dear Loserboyfriend-
I had such a wonderful time in Hawaii, and I have really enjoyed the last three years together. What I would like to know is, are you ready for a committment? If the answer is yes, that's all I need to hear. If the answer is no, then thank you for the last three wonderful years."

Both FunkyChick and PartnerInCrime asked Nutjob if she was ready for the answer. When they suggested that his answer might be "no", she just got a faraway look in her eye. (Dissociation, anyone?) Loser though he may be, Loserboyfriend's no dummy. He knows how to string her on. No doubt he will give her a non-answer, or say yes but then not buy her a ring and never make any actual plans... further prolonging both her agony and ours. (Just so you know, this is a guy who every time they passed a jewelry store in Hawaii, would say "hey let's go in", and when her eyes lit up, he'd say "just kidding". Nice guy.)

I hope for her sake and ours, that he flat out says no. Otherwise I will be bombarded with wedding planning questions (having been the last person in the office to get married) and might actually end up feeling sorry for her as I watch her set herself up for yet another miserable disappointment.

Damn. This blog was supposed to be funny. I've just bummed myself out.

2 Comments:

Blogger darth said...

i think its a very funny blog...in a workers trainwreck fascinating kinda fashion.

1:34 PM  
Blogger Violet Meeks-Kane said...

Even if he says no, me thinks that she won't go away. Just step it up a bit.

Do they have mail order grooms??

10:14 PM  

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