Tuesday, October 26, 2004

Nutjob's School of Hypochondria and Hysteria

Lesson One:
Panic because of the shortage of flu shots, and go get one at your temple because you "are asthmatic". (Keep in mind that this asthma is purely for appearance's sake, and manifests itself only when attention is needed. To lend credibility to the story, periodically call in sick because your "asthma is really bad".)

Lesson Two:
In front of Musketeer #3 (who is a hopeless instigator) "casually" mention that you happened to get a flu shot. When he takes the bait and starts asking you about it, act coy and insist that you didn't want to get it, your father made you. Regardless of the fact that you have never before in your life had a flu shot, insist that your father was so worried because you have asthma and are "sepseptible" to flu.

Lesson Three:
Insist that there really is no shortage at all. (Conveniently ignore the fact that this is in direct conflict to Lesson One). When someone asks if you don't believe half the dosages got screwed up at a British plant, insist that there isn't a shortage, and it's "all political".

Lesson Four:
Later, when the subject is brought up again by instigating Musketeer #3 for Musketeer #2's enjoyment, and asked where you managed to get a shot, explain that your temple has them. Also point out that there were people of all ages getting shots there. Then wonder aloud if what you got was really a flu shot after all... maybe it's a shot that "tells you how to vote" (since you don't have a mind of your own to make up), that what you really got was "voting serum".

Lesson Five:
Act offended when Musketeer #3 says he gets a shot every year, but didn't get one this year because he didn't want to take one away from "some little old lady who needs it more" than he does.

Don't forget to enroll in our other popular classes, "The Seven Habits of Highly Manipulative People" and "Obsessive Tendencies 101".


Anonymous Anonymous said...

I would have loved to have been there just so I could defend Nutjob - I mean after all, they are allowing the VERY OLD to get these, so shouldn't she count?

Mr. Ring of Fire

1:18 PM  
Blogger darth said...

mr. ring o fire: ouch! lol!!!

1:23 PM  
Blogger Violet Meeks-Kane said...

That would have been my comment...though in the background under my breath so the Musketeer's would hear it..and she could ignor it.

1:44 PM  
Blogger SilentWitness said...

You know, I knew someone was going to say that. She isn't quite *that* old though. Just too old to be thinking about babies.

2:07 PM  

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