Wednesday, November 10, 2004

Bring on the soap

It's time for a re-naming ceremony. OldFart, the one with the difibrillator in his heart, which has brought him back from death no less than 11 times, will hereby be called "Foul-Mouthed Old Fart" from this day forward. I know, it's a mouthful. I'm sure I'll resort to abbreviations... FMOF has a certain appeal anyway.

Foul-Mouthed Old Fart is a huge sports fan- he better be, for the amount of money he bets on the games. I'm not talking about some office pool... he bets via Vegas, where he has an accountant buddy who somehow waves his magic wand and makes his $20,000 bet into a tax write-off. He loves to come talk to Musketeer #2 about football and baseball. As old farts have a tendency to do, he talks rather loudly. He makes no attempts whatsoever to hide his bigotry, either. The last two days, he's come down to my end of the office to talk sports. So far, each day has been an enlightening glimpse into his true feelings about members of other races and lifestyles.

FMOF was telling Musketeer #2 about a football game he'd attended, and how proud he was of the fact that he was sitting close enough to the field that the players could hear him yell "Hey you big black bastard, get off your ass and do something!"

FMOF: Hey! They should fire Shockey!

Musketeer #2: Why?

FMOF: Because he's a fucking homo!!!

But these exchanges pale in comparison to one day about two months ago, when he was standing in Musketeer #2's doorway (which puts him about 10 from my desk), discussing strip clubs. Apparently he hasn't been to many, which I find hard to believe, because after a mildly offensive conversation about strippers, he came out with this gem: "Well what the fuck do you do with your dollar, shove it up their cunt?"

Ahem. Now, it just so happened that at this moment, I was standing up and getting ready to walk to another part of the office. So, as I passed by, I said (coldly) "Real nice, FMOF". Musketeer #1 and #2 were in hysterics. I don't know what they thought was so funny, my comment, or the fact that he got "busted". By the time I walked back to my desk, he was gone. Musketeer #2 came over to apologize in his place, and I curtly told him I didn't care if he used language like that behind closed doors, but he should watch his mouth out in the open like that. Musketeer #2 said FMOF was incredibly embarrassed. Good. He later came and apologized to me.

I don't know why, but I decided not to say anything to my boss about it. He knows I didn't appreciate it, and he apologized. I just didn't want to make a big deal over it. It wasn't until the end of the day that my boss called, wanting to know if I was ok. Apparently Musketeer #1 called her and told her that I was "very upset" over what happened. I told her it was highly inappropriate and I was offended, but that it wasn't that big of a deal, since he apologized. Musketeer #1 just loves to stir up trouble and get people talking, that is the only reason he called her to tell her about it. In retrospect though, I'm glad he did, because now that I think about it, I should have told her about it, if only to set a precedent.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

How in God’s name he wasn’t canned for that conversation is beyond me. Keep locker room humor (and language) where it belongs – and that’s NOT in the workplace. At a bar, at a house, at a sporting event – sure. But what an idiot. At my company Ring of Fires ‘r Us, you would get “cun” out and then you’d suddenly be lifted off your feet and thrown out of the building.

Mr. Ring of Fire

11:20 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You could be a very rich woman one day. I suggest watching more Court TV for inspiration, and don't forget our friends Levinson, Axlerod, Wheaton, Grazzel, Caufield, Marcolis and Dunn...

Just remember your friends when the settlement comes through. ;)


11:33 AM  

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