Wednesday, November 03, 2004

SilentWitness learns the delicate art of bribery

This post is rated NP for "no politics".

First, you need some background. Part of my job is to enforce the red tape paperwork rules, which makes me rather unpopular at times. I'm sure I've been called a Nazi more than once, thankfully not to my face. One of the things I'm required to keep on file is a photocophy of the brokers' auto insurance policies, to prove they are insured. This protects us in the rare event they have an accident while driving a client around. It is very low priority for them, so I end up hounding them for months, asking for copies of their declaration pages when their policies renew. They only give in when they can't take it anymore.

So, PhoneSwindler's auto insurance policy renewed on August 18th. I started mentioning it to him at the beginning of August, so he would know to bring the policy in when he received it. At one point he rolled his eyes at me and said "Oh, are we going to go through this again?". Um, hello asshole, you've been here at least three years, you know I ask you every time your policy renews. I've emailed him. I've left him voicemails. I've cc'd HeadHoncho on the email I sent to the guys who I've been hounding for two months or more. I mention it every time I see him. I am, in short, a royal pain in the ass until I get the paperwork I need. However, this could be avoided if they just brought the damn paper in after the first three times I asked for it.

Enter the art of the bribe. My boss's birthday is this week, so I baked her a batch of my special "delicious death by chocolate cookies that are more like brownies". Yesterday she had them sitting on her desk, so she ended up sharing them with whoever walked into her office. PhoneSwindler was one of them. He went on and on about how good they were, and when she told him I'd made them, he came over and complimented me, and then asked for the recipe. I smiled brightly and said "Sure! You can have it as soon as I get a copy of your auto insurance." He sort of groaned and walked away. I figured his laziness would outweigh his desire for a cookie recipe and that would be the end of that.

Imagine my surprise when PhoneSwindler came up to me this morning, slapped down a copy of his auto insurance and said "You owe me a recipe." Damn, that was easy! He was sure to point out that now he'd be the one bothering me every day. Wonderful. So... how long do you all think I should make him wait for this recipe?

(PS- Jane told my boss that she was offended because "everyone" had been offered a cookie but her. When my boss told her to go ahead and take one, Jane pouted and refused. Also note, she is out "sick" today. More on that later.)

4 Comments:

Blogger Violet Meeks-Kane said...

Well, now you know. Just make sure you have plenty of recipe cards on hand..

12:18 PM  
Blogger darth said...

i'm getting this faint feeling that jane is feeling..um...unloved and unappreciated? just a feeling.

2:05 PM  
Blogger Zippy Buggleshorts said...

Can I bribe you for the recipe?

2:19 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

People like Jane are an insult to the other people who are named Jane.

9:27 AM  

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