Thursday, March 17, 2005

Cruisin' for a bruisin'

Shut up, shut up, shut up about your cruise!!!! Stop asking EVERYONE WHO PASSES YOUR DESK if they've ever been on a cruise, if they liked it, if they got seasick, if there was a lot of food, if it was fun, if there were storms, what you should wear.... And wouldn't it figure that she snagged the ONE GUY in the office who's "made 5 crossings" across the Atlantic and gave a pompous 5-minute monologue about how cruises are nothing in comparison to crossings, it's not like you have an island to go to every day, it's just blue, blue when you look up, blue when you look down, and god forbid you get caught in a hurricane. After his speech, he wandered into the kitchen, and on his way back out, stopped AGAIN to tell Nutjob about the cruise his sister went on. And poor Jane, I actually feel bad for her. She went on a cruise recently, so she's a sitting duck for Nutjob's incessant questions. Every single day, Nutjob runs into her cube to ask her something cruise-related.

People, this cruise is not until JANUARY 2006. I will not last that long. Somehow I survived Hawaii (three times) but this is going to put me over the edge.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Is there any way you could get her into quarantine? Tell her its necessary to make sure she doesn't infect everyone (with her SPACE MADNESS!)?

Mr. Ring of Fire

10:09 AM  
Blogger Craig said...

See, SW, you're going about this all wrong.

What you really should be doing is gathering up all the bits of information about cruise ship DISASTERS. People dying (remember that terrorist hijacking back in the 80's?), boats sinking, all that good stuff. And whenever she talks about her cruise, just start rattling off diaster stories.

Hell, she sounds like such a ditz you could probably lie your ass off and she wouldn't know it. Find out what cruise liner she's booked on and just casually say "Oh, yeah, they have the highest percentage of cruise ship accidents/food poisioning/lawsuits/etc out of all the cruise liners."

Remember: When life hands you lemons, make lemonade. Other people's stupidity is simply an opening for you to manipulate them for your own sadistic pleasure.

5:55 PM  
Blogger SilentWitness said...

Ah, Craig, I wish that would work. But she'd just use that to gather more attention. When a tourist helicopter crashed in Hawaii while she was there, all we heard about for weeks upon her return was how scary it was (no, she was nowhere near it) and how rattled she was, because she was supposed to go on a (different) helicopter ride THE VERY NEXT DAY, and she was so shaken that she cancelled it.

So no, that would just give her something else to go on about. "Do you think it's safe? Do you think I'll get that flu that's going around every cruise ship known to man? Do you think...." ARGGGGGH.

9:06 PM  

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