Thursday, March 10, 2005

It's really not about the coffee

(This not blogging from work rule really stinks. I have to save up my stories for night time, when I'm distracted by non-work-related things).

Yesterday morning, Nutjob was the victim of my PMS and headache induced grouchiness. Normally, when she pulls her stunts I just walk away but this time I decided to let her know she pissed me off.

It all started bright and early, before the office officially opened. She ran up to PartnerInCrime, and to Jane (separately), and as I overheard the conversations it ocurred to me that she is exactly like a 4-year old.

Nutjob: Guess what I got! (in a sing-songy "you'll never guess" voice)

Jane: I don't know, what did you get?

Nutjob: Look what I got! Coffee-cake coffee!

Jane: Oh, that's interesting.

Nujtob: I was in (store name) and I saw the guy who came to give us coffee! And he gave me this! I can't wait to brew it!

At this point, I should mention that we have three coffee pots, the fancy airpot type. Two of these were in use in the conference room, for a meeting. There was one left in the kitchen, not being used. A good while after overhearing this conversation, I decided I wanted some coffee myself, so I went into the kitchen and set up the pot to brew. Since it takes 6 minutes, I walked out of the kitchen to go do something else. Not long after I heard the "beep" of the coffee machine, I went in to pour myself a cup of my new addiction. What did I see? The coffee pot, empty, steaming, next to the sink, and Nutjob preparing to brew a package of coffee. Being the astute observer that I am, I immediately understood what happened, and it really pissed me off that she dumped my fresh pot of coffee so she could brew her fruity-ass coffee cake coffee blend. I decided for once not to walk on eggshells in an effort to spare her delicate mental state.

Me: Where is the coffee that was in here?

Nutjob: Oh, it was old, so I dumped it.

Me: No it wasn't. I just brewed it. It finished two minutes ago. (Don't you notice the fucking STEAM coming out of the pot, you twit?)

Nutjob: No, there was only this much left (holding up her fingers to show about an eighth of a pot)

Me: No. I just brewed that. It was brand new.

Nutjob: No it wasn't.

At this point I was so infuriated that she'd a) dumped a perfectly good pot of coffee so she could take over with her flavored crap and b) stood there boldly LYING to me about it that I decided I better leave.

Me: Fine. Whatever.

I walked out. A minute later I turned around and went back into the kitchen.

Me: You know what? Could you please let me know when you're done with that so I can brew a pot of regular coffee?

No answer. Several minutes later, I was standing at Jane's desk, showing her how to do something, when I noticed Nutjob walk in the direction of my desk with a cup of coffee. I went over to investigate. There on my desk was a cup of coffee and one little creamer (how does she know I only use 1 creamer?).

Me: Nutjob, what's this?

Nutjob (a smirk in her voice): That's a cup of regular coffee. I poured mine into something else and brewed a pot of regular.

Me: Oh. Thank you. (since that's what you should have done anyway, but must you serve it to me, you manipulative whore?)

You can bet your bippy I didn't drink that coffee. She is one vindictive bitch and I have no doubt there was Visine in it. I waited for her to walk away from her desk and dumped it in the sink, and got my own nice, hot, steaming cup of delicious wonderful, eye-opening, brain-stimulating cup of coffee. She was pissed off at me all day. Victory is mine, mwah ha ha ha ha.

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