Friday, April 15, 2005

Look out, ladies

Yesterday was the lunch outing for FunkyChick. What started as PartnerInCrime and JerseyGirl taking her out expanded when Nutjob got involved, and ended up becoming a nearly office-wide event. Even Jane, who can't stand FunkyChick or JerseyGirl, went along. I stayed behind, thankful for the conference call that kept me from being able to attend. Musketeer #1 was chagrined to find out that I wasn't going, but I assured him he'd do just fine with the rest of the girls there to keep him company. He filled me in this morning on how he made it interesting.

On the way back from the lunch, he rode in JerseyGirl's car with FunkyChick and Nutjob. As per custom, the three gals started lamenting what a sad thing it is that PartnerInCrime isn't dating anyone, since he's such a nice guy, and he just needs to work on his image a little more, etc. Musketeer #1 decided to help him out. Here is the conversation, as related to me by Musketeer #1, with strong admonition to keep a straight face and not give away his ruse.

JerseyGirl: I mean, he hasn't dated anyone for six years!

Musketeer #1: Well you know why that is.... he's embarrassed.

JerseyGirl: Embarrassed? What are you talking about?

Musketeer #1: Come on... he's nine inches. It's embarrassing.

JerseyGirl almost drove off the road and three women's jaws dropped and eyes bulged.

FunkyChick: Come on, how do you know that?

Musketeer #1: It's guy talk. Guys who are really small or really big are embarrassed and sometimes it's hard to date. MiddleAgedHippie is the same way.

I asked if he was sure they believed him... considering it was he who was imparting this information. Musketeer #1 said because he kept such a straight face, they bought it. Then he said you could see the gears start turning in their heads as they exchanged glances with each other. All the rest of the way back to the office and even in the elevator, they badgered him, made him swear on his kids that he wasn't putting them on. (He told me as he swore on his kids he thought in his head "I love my children, this has nothing to do with them", effectively cancelling out the swear).

Poor PartnerInCrime. He doesn't know the real reason why the girls have decided he should toughen up his image and go by the name "Snake". All that's left is to see how long it takes JerseyGirl to try to get into his pants.

Of course, I got a good kick out of this story. Then I got an uncomfortable feeling.

Me: So... what kinds of stories have you spread about me?

Musketeer #1: None. I don't talk about you like that.

Me: Give me a break.

Musketeer #1: Well... none... other than the one about the affair we had. I told everyone it ended badly because you broke my heart.

Considering the source, I'm figuring he's pulling my leg. I sure as hell hope so.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

There is nothin' quite like leading people on just enough to make them run wild.

Kudos PIC. Kudos.

Mr. Ring of Fire

9:59 AM  
Blogger Craig said...

Isn't it awfully nice to have a penis?
Isn't it frightfully good to have a dong?
It's swell to have a stiffy.
It's divine to own a dick,
From the tiniest little tadger
To the world's biggest prick.
So, three cheers for your Willy or John Thomas.
Hooray for your one-eyed trouser snake,
Your piece of pork, your wife's best friend,
Your Percy, or your cock.
You can wrap it up in ribbons.
You can slip it in your sock,
But don't take it out in public,
Or they will stick you in the dock,
And you won't come back.

6:28 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

a poet if i ever read one ... yeah right

8:25 PM  
Blogger Craig said...

It's not poetry; it's Monty Python!

11:19 PM  

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