Thursday, May 19, 2005

I am human after all

Every once in a rare while the stoic mask of professionalism gets peeled back and my co-workers get a glimpse of the real person beneath. This time I surprised even myself. Let me just preface this story by reminding you that every time Musketeer #1 puts a plastic bug on my phone, keyboard, chair, etc., he's never been gratified with a girly squeal of disgust. I usually bring it to him and ask if he lost something, or put it in Nutjob's cube. Creepy crawly things such as snakes and lizards and bats (oh my!) have never had much of an effect on me, in fact I kind of like them. I don't much care for bugs or spiders, but hey, they live here too and I've never really had a big problem with them (except for bees. That's a whole different ball of wax).

This morning I was diligently working on processing a transaction (read: checking my home email) when I noticed movement out of the corner of my eye. When I looked to see what it was, I saw a light brown spider the size of a quarter climbing nonchalantly up my cubicle wall. I froze. I called out to Musketeer #3 (the closest male, equipped as all males are with spider-killing-ability) to come over here quick. (At this point, part of the back of my brain is saying "what the hell is wrong with you?". But then the estrogen-drenched primal part took over). By the time Musketeer #3 got over to my cube, the spider had made it all the way up the wall and crawled into the overhead bin.

Me: Great. It crawled in there. Now I'm not going to be able to find it.

Musketeer #3: Ok, so it's in there. So what.

Me: So what?! So it'll fall on my head when I pull something out of there! I can't just leave it in there!

I started moving things around, trying to find the spider. Nutjob, attracted by the attention being given someone else, came over.

Nutjob: Oh my god! Oh god, a spider!!!!

I pulled a box out of the overhead bin and carefully peered around the back of it, only to find the offending arachnid dangling off by one spindly leg. I let out a loud squeal and threw the box on the floor. Then I realized that my bag was right near there, so I snatched my bag and jumped back to the far corner of my cube.

Me: It's under that box.

Musketeer #3: You saw it?

Me: Yes (Pulling box away to reveal a very non-threatening looking squashed spider). There it is!

Musketeer #3 (laughing): That's it? That's your giant spider?

Me: Well of course it looks smaller now, I dropped a box on it!

He blotted up the spider corpse with a napkin, laughing all the while. By now I had a decent crowd around my cube, all laughing and astonished that I had acted like such a girly girl, myself included. Thank God Musketeer #1 wasn't there or I'd never, ever hear the end of it, and would find a different plastic or rubber spider on my desk every day.

Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go touch up my makeup.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Great now I'm going to have that song stuck in my head "We're only human after all" or whatever crap that 80's song was about.


And finally, if I'm by myself, I get freaked out by insects. If other people are around, the macho-x gene kicks in and I just squash it - then go elsewhere to pick up heavy things and put them down.

Mr. Ring of Fire

1:12 PM  

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