Thursday, June 09, 2005

Aloha, twit

I know you're all suffering from Nutjob withdrawal, so here's a little tidbit for you to slake your thirst.

Firstly, she is trying to outdo herself when getting dressed every day. Yesterday she wore a Hawaiian print sundress. Today she wore a very bright yellow Hawaiian print sundress, with a flourescent hibiscus flower in her hair. I shit you not. It's attached to a barette or something, and is bright-ass orange and yellow. Tomorrow is Friday, and we have dress-down days on Fridays. I'm frightened.

Secondly, I think I've mentioned the saga of the "boyfriend" in the hospital, whom she is stalking, but it bears repeating. Several months ago, she made a trip to Florida, where she met (and spent a grand total of one afternoon with) a guy. When she came back she was telling everyone he was her boyfriend. I don't know all the details but apparently he doesn't live in Florida, he lives in a city in the northeast. He got into a pretty bad auto accident and was in the hospital for a while, during which time Nutjob wanted desperately to send him a card, but no one in his family would tell her where he was. Not to be thwarted, she sent numerous cards to his home address, and finally cajoled the hospital address out of his nephew. There is no low to which she will not stoop...

Anyway, she is going to this northeastern city this weekend, for what I can only assume is a visit with this guy. I wonder if he even knows she's showing up? For the last two weeks, she has asked at least four different people in the office for driving directions. Each person has given her a slightly different route, and she is only getting more confused the more people she asks. Musketeer #3 decided to have some fun with her.

Musketeer #3: You know, Stonerboy's directions take you over the Tappan Zee. In rush hour. (all the routes so far take her over that bridge)

Nutjob: Oh....

I missed part of the conversation due to a phone call. It must have been good because here's what I heard afterward:

Nutjob: Well I've driven on that bridge. That's that really long bridge, right? Way up high? I used to drive on it in Connecticut.

Musketeer #3: It's not in Connecticut.

Nutjob: I mean... on my way back and forth to Connecticut. I had a boyfriend there. [Is there a state in this union she hasn't dated someone from?]

The last person I overheard giving her directions was totally confusing her. Not hard to do, I know. But maybe there's some hope for this poor hospitalized guy after all. I wish I could warn him that she was on her way. Flourescent hibiscus and all.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Sheesh, I went to all the trouble to find out the Hawaiian phrase for "spare me" and you don't even include it? Sigh... Mr. Ring of Fire is underappreciated! That's it, I'm going to put my whining to work and start working on Mexico's latest surging volcano.


Mr. Ring of Fire

4:36 PM  

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