Sunday, July 10, 2005

Things you don't need to know about your co-workers

1. They take Viagra.

2. The first time they used it, they took four pills. And then was suprised when "it was up for like six hours!" (Dude, you're lucky you didn't go into a coma).

3. They recently broke up with their girlfriend and came into the office distributing said Viagra to all males present, regardless of age, because "well I won't be needing it anymore!".

The only thing more disturbing than thinking about the General taking Viagra is knowing that half a dozen guys in the office are walking around with boners because of him. Actually, the fact that I know any of this at all is more disturbing than all of it. This all came about in a conversation with Musketeer #1, who was feeling quite chatty one morning recently. He was standing by my cube, shooting the shit, when JerseyGirl flounced by to give me her timesheet. Musketeer #1 saw her before I did.

Musketeer #1: Whoa, is that lingere?

JerseyGirl: What? No, it's just a shirt! It doesn't look like lingere! (coming around to my side of the cube) Is this inappropriate?

Me: Well... everything's covered.

She was wearing a silky black camisole type top that had a floral print that did indeed look like lingere, and edged with beige lace and the neckline and around the bottom. Did I say neckline? I meant cleavage-line.

Musketeer #1: I bought my wife something that looks just like that and she sleeps in it. Seriously!

JerseyGirl (walking away): Well, it's not lingere.

Musketeer #1: Well it's as nice as those white pants you were wearing the other day.

I just stared at him. Obviously he misinterpreted my look.

Musketeer #1: Don't worry, we talk about you too. I'm not going to tell you what we say though.

Me: Good! I don't what to know. I'm just amazed that you guys talk about us at all. You know, we girls don't sit around talking to each other about who's butt looks nice today.

And from there he launched into his gossip about the General and his Viagra. Really, after the mishap with the dirty pictures, you'd think he'd be a bit more selective about the information he shares.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Yipes, yipes, yipes.

I think there should be a clothing regulator at the front of your building - like a metal detector just to make sure that no "bad" outfits clear.

Granted, this would rob us all of Nutjob hijinks cause she'd never make it inside, but still...

Mr. Ring of Fire

4:45 PM  
Blogger Gladys Cortez said...

Brain, meet bleach.

I think -I- shall even have nightmares about your office now. And I don't even WORK there.

8:27 PM  

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