Wednesday, November 30, 2005

Three days... three days until my vacation

It's been an interesting day. Besides my boss's brush with certain death in the form of a harmless spider, I have been treated to two, yes TWO, "too much information" conversations with Bruce, and heard Jane tell the story of her visit to the eye doctor to get her tear ducts unplugged WORD FOR WORD the same way at least five times. Not only that, but now Musketeer #1 has taken to calling me "Mistress".

Oh, what... you want me to elaborate? Yeah, I guess I can't leave you hanging like that. It's become a running joke between us now, thanks to Mr. Misogyny, as to who should make the morning coffee, the first male to get here or the first female. This morning I was wrapped up in the important task of counting out Holiday Cards and didn't have a chance to make it. When Musketeer #1 got here, he asked if I'd like some, and I accepted, and told him how nice it was of him to make coffee for me. Later, around lunch time, he asked me what time this afternoon I'd like him to brew the afternoon coffee. I told him around 3 p.m. would be good. Silly me, I should have known. Not long ago he stopped by my cube and said "Mistress SilentWitness, your coffee is brewing". Good lord, what next in this place? So, not wanting to make him feel like he did all that hard work for nothing, I just went into the kitchen to help myself to a cup of lifeblood. Remember that stupid whiteboard I bought, that everyone had a grand time with for the first week it was up? Well, now it says: "Coffee was brewed at: 3:10 p.m. For SilentWitness ONLY". Wow, I get a whole pot to myself!

Just as I was erasing the disclaimer on the board, Bruce came in.

Bruce: Oh, hey, I meant to ask you before....

My brain: uh oh.... this ought to be good....

Bruce: We're pretty close in age. What do you think of the beard I've got going?

Me: I think it looks nice. It's a different look for you.

Bruce: I think I'm going to keep it this length. Any longer and it would be a beard. Besides, I'm not sure if the girls will like it.

I didn't take that bait, but he went on anyway.

Bruce: I mean... it might not be good for kissing.... and..... other things.

Me: Well I guess it depends on the person. (backing slowly out of the kitchen and RUNNING BACK TO MY CUBE)

I'm going to install my own coffee maker and put my own fridge under my desk. I've had enough of being cornered in the kitchen with this cretin.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Thanks for making my coworkers seem normal.

4:07 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

C'mon. A beard? This early in the year? Sheesh, wait until you get into the playoffs, jerky. I mean, I think its pretty presumptuous of you that your team is going to get the chance to compete for the honor of raising Lord Stanley's Cup for crying out loud....

... or did that whole beard for other purposes have nothing to do with hockey?

Mr. Ring of Fire

4:43 PM  
Blogger Violet Meeks-Kane said...

I think he likes you. Ewww.

8:59 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


on many levels your statement makes me cringe ... thanks.

i think what SW should have said was something to the effect of:

my girlfriend has about the same hair length and it doesnt bother my face at all.

Bruce: "girlfriend?"

SW: oh yeah the Girlfriend i tell SH Im going out with on girls night out

SW then should grin, wink, and leave the room.


11:28 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Be afraid. Be very afraid. ;o)

3:20 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

You should have said "You don't need to worry about the beard making women feel uncomfortable, your personality is already taking care of that"


3:53 PM  

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