Monday, January 30, 2006

Going.... Up?

The quality of this building has become a joke in these parts. The owners don't seem to care about silly things like having soap in the bathroom, or or toilets that flush (or stop flushing). Today it's the elevator. Oh, but just one of them at least. This morning in my Monday morning fog as I made my coffee, Bruce asked me which elevator I'd taken this morning.

Me: What? I don't know.

Bruce: Well I took the one on the left, and I swear I thought I was going to die! It made this awful gridnding sound. I really didn't think it was going to make it up here.

Me: Well I obviously didn't take that one. That's screwed up, I'll call BuildingManager.

At that moment, Jane burst into the kitchen, coat and sunglasses still on.

Jane: Oh my God! Did you take that elevator?! That was the most terrifying ride of my life! I was asking forgiveness for my sins.... (at this point I tuned her out).

It's not that I have no sympathy for them, I'm sure I'd have been freaked out to ride in that elevator too. But I'm pissy today and Jane's habit of telling everyone the same story, word for word, is making me want to strangle her. Can't you vary it just slightly? Ok, ok, so you were asking forgiveness for your sins. As for forgiveness for mine, too because I'm about to commit one.

My mood combined with the morning's elevator-centric talk has called to mind a creepy set of lyrics. It'll really help matters to have this stuck in my head all day:

"My flavor's a plunging elevator
a millisecond before it hits the cellar.
A cellar with mutated rats.
Old - very old - lost teeth.
Abortions. Garbage. So pungent it hums
out of key (slightly).
Just enough to annoy you."

The Tear Garden - "Empathy for the Devil"


Anonymous Anonymous said...

Y'see that's why I prefer escalators. Escalators never break - they just turn into stairs.

And back in the ol' volcano, a woman used to work next to me and spend her entire day on the phone retelling the same story over and over, always ending it with "Oh, I'm so bad!" ..after making the same asinine "completely impromptu" comment on whatever lame-ass story she just finished telling the listener. Ugh. Just the thought of her makes my skin crawl.

Mr. Ring of Fire

10:21 AM  

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