Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Simple minds

My boss has redeemed herself (somewhat). After telling me yesterday afternoon around 4pm that corporate needs a specific report and needs it today, I was less than thrilled with her time management skills- especially after seeing the email she forwarded me was originally sent to her two weeks ago. So, I’ve been a little grumbly. However, the phone calls I just had with her have wiped the slate almost clean.

Me: Hello, this is SilentWitness.

My boss: I am so bored!!!

Me: Um… where are you? Hi, by the way.

My boss: I’m in the middle of nowhere in an empty industrial building.

Me: What are you doing in an empty industrial building?

My boss: I’m working an open house with CheapSkate and OtherBroker. I have to greet the brokers when they arrive, and walk them down this long maze to bring them into the open house.

Me: Oooh, sounds like fun.

My boss: I’ve been watching this bug crawling around on the floor…

Me: Wow, you must be bored.

My boss: I’m thinking of getting some hoops or something and training it to do tricks.

Me: Put something in front of it and see if it climbs over it.

My boss: Oooh! Here comes some brokers! Gotta go!

I resumed working on the report she threw at me last night, and a few minutes later the phone rang again.

Me: Hello, this is SilentWitness.

My boss: I stepped on it!!!!

Me: What?

My boss: I stepped on the bug by accident! I knew that was going to happen!

Me: Oh no!

My boss: I was leading the brokers down the hall and when I stepped I heard *crunch*… and I thought that can’t be good.

Me: Now what are you going to do, that was your only friend! (I love to egg her on) You have to find another bug!

My boss: I’ve been looking for one!!! (I should have known) All I found was a dead moth with one wing. So now there’s a dead moth and a dead bug in here. [pause] I think I’ll go outside. There has to be something out there.

Me: Yeah, find a caterpillar or something.

My boss: Oh yeah!!! They’re out now! Maybe I can find one of those big fuzzy ones. Bye!

And I’m still sitting here working on this report. What’s wrong with this picture???

Tuesday, May 09, 2006

"I'm not dead yet!"

I've resolved to keep this thing going. It'll require some work on my part, as the biggest group of lunatics is completely on the other side of the office. But it's been too much fun writing this blog to just let it die. So. This morning I wandered down to Musketeer #1's office to say hello, as I noticed he was an early bird this morning like I was. I asked him, half jokingly, if he was able to watch the parking lot for hot chicks from this window, as he was from his office in the old building. I should have known better.

Musketeer #1: Oh yeah! There's this hot brunette in a black Jeep.... her waist is about this big... I always call PartnerInCrime when she gets here. And then there's a smokin' blonde in a white Camry that parks over there... All the hot ones come in around quarter to nine.

Me: So do you have a favorite?

Musketeer #1: Yeah, there's this little bitty thing, she's about this tall [holds hand not quite up to his shoulder], she looks like she's about 18. Actually she kinda looks like you.

#1 At 5'7" (without heels, which I normally wear at work) I don't think I qualify as a "little bitty thing".
#2 I look significantly older than 18.
#3 Knock it off already, pervert.